she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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