You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
