I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
