I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
A bitchslap is in order.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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