the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
