I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
