yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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