You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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