Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The air was thick with penises
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
