I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
