I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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