I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
