Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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