Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
