you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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