fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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