My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
