last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I stole a fireplace last night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
