What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
