You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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