My room smells like vodka and shame
She announced her abortion via fbk
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just googled if crying burns calories
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
