We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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