tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
