Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
