hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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