How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
