honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
