dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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