hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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