if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
