I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
