Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
