I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
