I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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