I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
