She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
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