what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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