Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
