put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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