the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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