she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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