She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sorry my hands just texted you
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize