If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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