That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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