I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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