Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
