Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
