what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize