and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
