they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
