He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
