Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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