smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
