Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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