i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
