so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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