If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
