Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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