he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
