I wannas sexs uuuuu
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
