Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
