Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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