matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
