i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
