once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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