youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
