i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
