Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
