remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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