Whats the glycemic index on semen?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
