when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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