Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
