New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
