I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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