i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
