Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
