Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
