Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
