Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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