I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
