Best friends brother. Beat that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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