i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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