I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
