My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My vagina is officially offended.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
