I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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