You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
