I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
