Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I smell stomach acid.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
