I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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