Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Buhtt sex?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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