i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
