you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
they call him Oral-B. enough said
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
