guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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