I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
