Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
