I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
