so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
