i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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