bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
