I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
