mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize