Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
