all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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