no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
