just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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