i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
