so explain again why im purple
no
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
