My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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