She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
