No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
