her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
