She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
